Grand Master: Crap On, Crap Off
Generally organizes all the bad ideas of other hashers. MH3 big cheese. Sometimes leads ceremonies. Leads with a dynamic strength that permeates the fabric of the organization. Organizes Mismanagement meetings, sends emails, drinks coffee. Both directly, and through other officers, provides inspiration, direction, and vision to all. This position ranks only below all other hashers and offices in real importance to the hash. Delegates work. Does what the Old Farts say. Buys the first pitcher at Mismanagement meetings.
Dishonorable Secretary to the Grand Master: OPEN!
Mostly writes down (or makes up) shit that the Grand Master will forgot. Keeper of the “List of Names”. Keeps meeting minutes at Mismanament Meetings. Pours first pitcher of beer at Meetings.
Religious Advisor: Michelle Vick, Cow Poker
Leads Ceremonies. Keeper of the sacred Laws of Hashing, the Religious Advisor comes up with sufficiently plausible lies to cover any serious questions of propriety of actions within the hash. Keeper of the faith. Enforcer of the scriptures. Keeps the peace. The religious advisor spreads the word and inspires the zest and zeal of the hash in all participants. Any hasher found transgressing the spirit of hashing is disciplined by the RA. Reports violations of protocol to Grand Master. Talks to cops when necessary.
Hash Cash: Slow Hand
Keep of the large hash treasury. Reports to Grand Master.
Hash Webmeister: NumbAss
Does internet stuff to make website work.
Hash Shitnazi: DJ Jizzy Jew
Keep track of the hash awards. This is arguably the most complicated position within the hash hierarchy. The responsibility surrounds custody of a large card-board box filled with the flotsam and jetsam of hash awards. Precisely why this crap is retained is a mystery shrouded in the mythology of hashdom. Probably a set of duties beyond the cognitive ability of your average hasher.
Hash Haberdasher: On the Cock
Procures and sells MH3 apparel (shirts, happicoats, patches, ankle bracelets,etc). General money laundering.
Hash Assbamador: OPEN!
Maintain relations with other hashes. Invites other kennels to big hash events. Organizes road trips. Keeps track of when an where Nash Hash, Inter Hashers.
Keeper of the Hash Horn: Baby Balls
Holder of MH3 hash horn. Unofficial Sargent-at-Arms. Musical ability: Optional.
Songmeister: Paging Dr. Rotten BoneHer
The Songmeister speaks with other hashers and hashes to acquire songs to add to the hash hymnal. The mission is to explore new tunes and new celebrations. Keeper of MH3 Hash Hymnal.
Race Directors: Pussy Will Ho, Michelle Vick
The race bosses. In charge of getting hashers organized enough to put on the Finnish Five and the 50 Furlong.
Hare Raiser: Fingered By Daddy
Responsible for keeping MH3 a continually running kennel by recruiting hares and harriettes to set trail each week.
Trail Meister: Mr. Rhythm
Knows the ins and outs of the nooks and crannies of Madison. Knows how to get hashers lost without getting TOO lost. Can advise on appropriate beer stops.
Masters of Hash Protocol (Old Farts): SlowHand, Nutfarmer, Dribbles In, RD, Strokes, Colonel Mustard
An amorphous group usually comprised of all the former hash officers who still remain involved. Nothing is allowed without the approval of this group. Gives orders to GM.